(Adopted) Families/Familias whom I Love

I generally avoid making direct comparisons between my life in the United States and my life here in Argentina. However, today’s entry will be an intentional exception as I want to reflect briefly on a few aspects of family life and values that I have observed in both places. While family structure, individuals’ responsibilities and geographical proximity of family members (generally) differ between the U.S. and Argentina’s culture, I’ve found that family, as an important social structure, shares some characteristics in both cultures (that might seem like a ‘duh’ point but stick with me here…). This blog post highlights a couple of families who have both welcomed me into their homes and graciously approved of what I have to share below about them, relative to the culture in which they live (I obviously wouldn’t be publishing the entry if I hadn’t received their permission.)  I consider myself blessed to know each of their families and hope that this blog post arrives at something deeper than what might initially seem to be a shallow, side-by-side cultural comparison. …

A few weeks ago I was visiting the home of former Fulbrighter to the U.S. Viviana Cimbaro Canella and talking with her two-year-old daughter Teodelina (or for short, Teo) at the kitchen table. When Teo was just a year old, Vivi tried to talk to her in English, especially using phrases in response to Teo’s constantly repeated questions and demands (i.e. Open it for me, Mommy! [but obviously in Spanish]). However, as any mother can attest to (or, as I imagine about first-time mothers anyways), caring for your first child can be an especially tiring process of adaptation to a major household change. Likewise, Vivi found herself waning in these bilingual efforts as Teo seemed to show little inclination to adopting the English phrases in her own speech. Recently, however, Teo said something out of the blue in English, without any external prompts; Vivi realized then that Teo had actually internalized some of the English. Thus, she has revived her teaching efforts in a way, working on colors and numbers, many of which Teo could tell me in English and/or Spanish as we pulled out one of the family’s board games for her to play with. Let’s just say that Teo never ceases to steal the show when I make a visit to their house. 

Viviana with Teo, smiling at Teo's baby cousin, during one of my recent visits to their house

 It was in this moment of discussion about language at Viviana’s dinner table that I realized how much her family resembles that of the Koske family who I know from my time spent in Granville, Ohio. Kevin and Tami Koske also have two children, Gabriel (3 years old) and Gwen (almost 8 months) (ok, so Viviana’s family doesn’t quite have two children yet. But soon this will be a valid comparison as Vivi is expecting a baby boy, Maximo, in October). Both Tami and Viviana work as teachers in local schools. Both families value their extended families in visible ways and both face (and will continue to face) many of the challenges associated with maintaining a balanced perspective in light of their families’ physical, social, educational and spiritual needs (relative to their generation and their respective cultures). 

David on the swing with Teo at a gathering on Argentina's national holiday, 25 de mayo

The Koske family: Tami, Kevin, Gabriel and Gwen

 Probably most important to me, though, in similarities between the Koskes and Cimbaro Canellas is how they have both generously welcomed me with open arms my semi-adopted presence amidst their families. I always look forward to spending time in their homes. And despite the fact that their lives are full of other important things and people too, I have never felt unwelcome or like I was intruding upon their lives. Both families love to laugh and converse at gatherings that bring us together to share great food. Some of the best asados I’ve had since arriving here have been at Viviana’s house (major kudos to her husband, David); at the Koske’s, whether it has been a simply unbelievable corn chowder made by Tami, “homemade” sushi on New Year’s Eve, or last-minute-decision Chinese take-out, the countless meals I have shared in this home are full of warm memories. I value indefinitely some of the profound, heart-to-heart conversations that I’ve had with Tami over a hot cup of coffee and with Viviana over a sweet mate. It was in Tami’s kitchen that I was given Cooking 101 on how to make some of the best homemade tamales, straight from the kitchen of the woman who was raised in Southern California. Similarly, in Viviana’s kitchen I’ve learned how to make scones (well, Argentine style scones anyways that I have transformed into my own mini-alfajors, shaved coconut and all) and, most recently, chipacitos. 

The children of these two homes always make my week. I expected to be regularly beat up by Gabriel in Granville and I consider it a minor disappointment if Teodelina doesn’t show off some of her diva sassiness when I make a visit to Puerto Tirol. Teodelina insists on calling Winnie the Pooh’s little pink friend “Tiglet” and Gabe has the best impression, hands down, of the Beast from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. I couldn’t have been happier for Kevin and Tami when Gwen was born this past January and I can’t wait to be here too, to celebrate with Viviana and David when Maximo is born in October.

I could write pages upon pages of the ways that I think family structures vary between the cultures of Argentina and the United States, and the ways in which they resemble one another. However, as family is a relational unit, a social structure, a network of individuals in which I (and many other individuals of both cultures) have experienced extensive social, intellectual and spiritual development, I tried to take on a more personal stance for these familial “comparisons.” For me, relationships trump all and while my friendships with the Koskes and Cimbaro Canellas started out in strikingly simple ways, they have both developed into relationships of a profound nature, despite any cultural differences that may exist. I have been welcomed into their homes and families and, in turn, hope that I can rise to the challenge to be a more generous individual, as I attempt to mirror just a fraction of the generosity that their families have bestowed to me.